The Public Ownership Maximalist Wants A Ministry For Pubs

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Privatisation Is The Daily Mistake

Privatisation Is The Daily Mistake

Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the political far frontier.

The Public Ownership Maximalist believes the only thing that stops the trains from being on time is the lack of a Ministry of Trains, but enthusiastic. Our editor Alan Nafzger, of The London Prat, has compiled the following field notes on the Public Ownership Maximalism mindset, with help from the BBC on UK railway nationalisation debates and the IFS on public ownership.

Twenty Things You Learn Watching Public Ownership Maximalism In The Wild

  1. Believes everything would work better if it had a chairman with a pension.
  2. Has nationalised, in his head, every cafe he has ever been to.
  3. Refers to private rail as the daily mistake.
  4. Maintains that water should be public, fire should be public, and weddings should be public.
  5. Treats privatisation the way most people treat divorce.
  6. Has a long, slow nostalgic blink for British Rail.
  7. Believes the cure for the high street is the People’s High Street.
  8. Considers a bus a moral object.
  9. Refers to Royal Mail as the way it ought to be.
  10. Has explained that broadband is a utility, like dignity.
  11. Believes the energy market is a fiction with bills attached.
  12. Has put together, in his mind, the Ministry of Pubs.
  13. Considers a private gym evidence of civic decline.
  14. Refers to call centres as outsourced sadness.
  15. Believes any service with a logo should have, instead, a coat of arms.
  16. Has a slogan ready for the National Sandwich Authority.
  17. Treats privatisation the way archaeologists treat looted artefacts.
  18. Believes the public sector improves you morally, even when it does not deliver.
  19. Has lobbied his housemates to nationalise the kettle.
  20. Considers his local library a small functioning society he wishes to scale up.

Closing Note From The Editor

If any of the above sounds familiar, congratulations, you have either been to a polytechnic seminar or a dinner party in Hampstead. For more in this series read further dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see Private Eye.

SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/

SOURCE: The London Prat