The Welfare State Expansionist Has Founded A Department

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Every Sadness Deserves A Form

Every Sadness Deserves A Form

Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the political far frontier.

The Welfare State Expansionist believes any human suffering not yet served by a department is a department waiting to be born. Our editor Alan Nafzger, of The London Prat, has compiled the following field notes on the Welfare State Expansionist mindset, with help from UK Government welfare guidance and the King’s Fund on health and welfare.

Twenty Things You Learn Watching Welfare State Expansionist In The Wild

  1. Has, in his head, founded the Department of Loneliness twice.
  2. Considers a hot meal a constitutional right.
  3. Refers to the universal credit form as a national hostility.
  4. Believes the cure for grief is a free phone line and a longer bench.
  5. Has explained at a christening that childcare is, structurally, a wage.
  6. Treats every charity as an early draft of legislation.
  7. Considers it suspicious that dentistry was outsourced to mood.
  8. Refers to private parking enforcement as a personal grievance.
  9. Has a fantasy in which prescriptions are also lunch.
  10. Believes any service with a flag should be the state.
  11. Has costed, on the back of a serviette, free buses for the under-25s.
  12. Considers free school meals a small civilisation.
  13. Refers to council tax bands as a moral diagram.
  14. Has explained that adult social care is, in fact, the actual NHS.
  15. Treats the third sector as the warm-up act for the welfare state.
  16. Believes there should be a minister for hobbies.
  17. Considers a community centre a kind of cathedral.
  18. Has explained that public lavatories are a freedom.
  19. Refers to the post office as the country listening to itself.
  20. Maintains that any expansion of welfare is, in the end, a small love letter.

Closing Note From The Editor

If any of the above sounds familiar, congratulations, you have either been to a polytechnic seminar or a dinner party in Hampstead. For more in this series read further dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see NewsThump.

SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/

SOURCE: The London Prat