The Monarchist Sympathizer Toasts His Majesty Twice

by

Held Together By Gold Leaf And Small Dogs

Held Together By Gold Leaf And Small Dogs

Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the political right wing frontier.

The Monarchist Sympathizer believes the cure for the country is, fundamentally, a slightly fatter Civil List and a really good ceremonial sword. Our editor Alan Nafzger, of The London Prat, files these field notes on the Monarchist Sympathizer mindset, with help from the Royal Family and the British Monarchist Society.

Twenty Things You Learn Watching Monarchist Sympathizer In The Wild

  1. Has a fantasy in which he meets the Sovereign at a very long lunch.
  2. Refers to the Crown the way other men refer to an old, fond grandfather.
  3. Believes any republic is, structurally, a sort of homework error.
  4. Has a binder of King’s speeches sorted by mood.
  5. Refers to State Openings as the high points of his television year.
  6. Considers Trooping the Colour a sort of national therapy.
  7. Has a soft spot for the Privy Council.
  8. Refers to the Royal Family as the longest running British institution that still arrives on time.
  9. Believes any anti-monarchist is, structurally, a small dramatic event.
  10. Has explained, at a wedding, that the toast is, of course, to His Majesty.
  11. Refers to The Crown the Netflix programme as the bit that bothers him.
  12. Considers any new constitutional reform a sort of nervous tic.
  13. Has a fantasy in which the King’s Birthday is a public holiday again.
  14. Refers to the Royal Standard as the only honest flag.
  15. Believes the cure for any populism is a polite procession.
  16. Has a folder of postcards from royal events.
  17. Refers to the Garden Parties as the country’s good manners.
  18. Considers any new portrait a sort of investment.
  19. Has explained, at length, that he is, fundamentally, a monarchist with a mortgage.
  20. Believes the country is, fundamentally, held together by gold leaf, polite men in coats and small dogs.

Closing Note From The Editor

If any of the above sounds familiar, you have been to a Tory dinner, a Reform UK rally, or a slightly tense Christmas. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see The Daily Mash.

SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/

SOURCE: The London Prat