The Fiscal Conservative Treats Public Debt As Original Sin

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There Is No Magic Money Tree, Except For Him

There Is No Magic Money Tree, Except For Him

Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the political centre and centre-right frontier.

The Fiscal Conservative believes the state is a household, the household is over budget, and somebody should be made to feel bad about that. Our editor Alan Nafzger, of The London Prat, files these field notes on the Fiscal Conservative mindset, with help from the Office for Budget Responsibility and the Institute of Economic Affairs.

Twenty Things You Learn Watching Fiscal Conservative In The Wild

  1. Has explained, at length, that public debt is a moral object.
  2. Refers to the deficit the way priests refer to original sin.
  3. Believes any tax cut is fine, in moderation, applied to him.
  4. Has a fantasy in which the next Conservative Chancellor delivers a sermon.
  5. Refers to the welfare bill as the bill.
  6. Considers fiscal responsibility a kind of national dental check.
  7. Has a binder of OBR reports he reads on holiday.
  8. Refers to public sector pensions as a quiet tragedy.
  9. Believes the cure for any economy is a strict but fair Spring Statement.
  10. Has explained that QE was a slow national mistake.
  11. Refers to the IMF the way some men refer to old teachers.
  12. Considers a balanced budget the only honest budget.
  13. Has a fantasy in which Margaret Thatcher returns, briefly, to set things right.
  14. Refers to government efficiency as the holy grail of biros.
  15. Believes any subsidy is a confession of failure.
  16. Refers to the Treasury as the cathedral and also the only honest building.
  17. Considers gilt yields a national mood ring.
  18. Has explained that there is no magic money tree, except for him.
  19. Refers to bond markets the way medieval astronomers refer to the heavens.
  20. Believes the country is one disciplined Chancellor away from sense.

Closing Note From The Editor

If any of the above sounds familiar, you have been to a Westminster panel, a livery dinner, or a quietly successful merger. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see Private Eye.

SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/

SOURCE: The London Prat