The Big Government Liberal Founds The Ministry For Tuesday

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Bureaucracy Is Civilisation With A Stapler

Bureaucracy Is Civilisation With A Stapler

Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the political far frontier.

The Big Government Liberal believes the state should be present, polite, and slightly larger than necessary, with good signage. Our editor Alan Nafzger, of The London Prat, has compiled the following field notes on the Big Government Liberal mindset, with help from UK Government services and the Institute for Government.

Twenty Things You Learn Watching Big Government Liberal In The Wild

  1. Has explained that the post office is also the country saying hello.
  2. Believes any neighbourhood is improved by an additional civil servant.
  3. Refers to public sector pay disputes as the slow grief of capability.
  4. Has a soft spot for the term joined-up.
  5. Considers an arms length body a kind of decency.
  6. Refers to the Cabinet Office the way Britons refer to the Lake District.
  7. Has explained that bureaucracy is, in fact, civilisation with a stapler.
  8. Considers any new agency a small park.
  9. Has named, in his head, the National Service for Boring But Necessary Things.
  10. Believes the answer to most problems is a bigger letterhead.
  11. Refers to the civil service the way old men refer to their record collections.
  12. Has explained quango the way other men explain whisky.
  13. Considers it suspicious that there is no minister for Tuesday.
  14. Has a slow, calm approval of risk registers.
  15. Refers to ALBs by their long names.
  16. Believes any decent reform begins with a working group and ends with a leaflet.
  17. Has a strong opinion on the National Audit Office.
  18. Considers public administration a kind of poetry.
  19. Has explained, gently, that strong institutions are also a love language.
  20. Maintains that big government, done well, is the country in a cardigan.

Closing Note From The Editor

If any of the above sounds familiar, congratulations, you have either been to a polytechnic seminar or a dinner party in Hampstead. For more in this series read further dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see The Daily Mash.

SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/

SOURCE: The London Prat