The European Centrist Carries Le Monde He Has Not Read

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Britain Would Be Better With More Belgians

Britain Would Be Better With More Belgians

Bohiney Magazine and The London Prat file this dispatch from the political centre and centre-right frontier.

The European Centrist believes Britain would be better if it had more Belgians, more bicycles, and a slightly higher tolerance for committees. Our editor Alan Nafzger, of The London Prat, files these field notes on the European Centrist mindset, with help from the European Union and the Council of Europe.

Twenty Things You Learn Watching European Centrist In The Wild

  1. Has a copy of Le Monde he has not read but does carry.
  2. Refers to the European Union the way other people refer to a beloved teacher.
  3. Believes any UK problem could be solved by a friendly directive.
  4. Has explained that the single market was both a market and a state of mind.
  5. Refers to Strasbourg as a pleasant verb.
  6. Considers a passport queue a personal political event.
  7. Has a fantasy in which Britain re-enters the room slowly, with biscuits.
  8. Refers to the European Court of Human Rights as the office we should not have left.
  9. Considers Brexit a long, uncatered breakup.
  10. Refers to Macron the way some men refer to a complicated colleague.
  11. Has a soft spot for German trains.
  12. Believes the cure for British politics is European supervision, gently.
  13. Refers to populism as the local weather.
  14. Considers any sentence about sovereignty a small private wince.
  15. Has explained that he is not anti-British, just pro-Belgian.
  16. Refers to the Lisbon Treaty as a charming antique.
  17. Considers a customs union a love letter you can ratify.
  18. Has a strong view on cheese tariffs.
  19. Believes the European Parliament is misunderstood, and so is he.
  20. Considers Britain in the EU a possible Tuesday in a future government.

Closing Note From The Editor

If any of the above sounds familiar, you have been to a Westminster panel, a livery dinner, or a quietly successful merger. More dispatches at govna.uk and the parent site prat.uk. For a second opinion that is also wrong, see Private Eye.

SOURCE: https://prat.uk/category/politics/

SOURCE: The London Prat